I Am Both
by DorkyNanni
Summary: I am in a war within my own mind. Erudite against Dauntless. Intelligence against bravery. My name is Cloette Matthews and I am Divergent. Erudite and Dauntless. I am both.
1. Prologue

_I am Erudite_

My name is Cloette Matthews, daughter of Jeanine Matthews; Leader of Erudite due to her high IQ score. My father, Harold Matthews, died a few years back. He was murdered by Factionless because they were mad at all the factions - especially Erudite - not giving a crap about them. I miss him. I really do.

I am doing very well in school right now. My teachers think very highly of me, mostly because of my mother. Mom always gave me extra lessons after school. I thought they were very interesting. The story of the Divergents is my favorite. They are a plague to our current system we worked very hard to achieve. They can't be controlled and should be exterminated. But all that changed when I got my Aptitude results.

 _I am Dauntless_

My aptitude wasn't one faction which I originally thought. It was two: Erudite and Dauntless. I should have expected this. My grades are all high and I always over analyze things, but I do have a reckless side. I crave adventure and excitement. Protecting the city sounds like something I would really enjoy.

I am in a war within my own mind. Erudite against Dauntless. Intelligence against bravery. My name is Cloette Matthews and I am Divergent. Erudite and Dauntless. I am both.


	2. 1: Aptitude Test

I put the finishing touches of my makeup and look at myself in the mirror. I don't usually wear this much makeup, but today is a special day. Today is the day when I find out which faction I belong in. Like I need any help figuring that out. I belong in Erudite like I have all my life. I want to become a teacher because I find teaching something fun to do.

I see that some strands of hair are out of place so I fix it quickly by getting a pin. My dark brown hair is in a neatly fixed bun. My brown eyes stand out now that I have eyeliner and mascara on me. I don't really look that much like my mother, actually. Practically all my looks came from my father.

"Honey, it is time to go!" My mother calls on me. I get out of my bathroom, which I've been locked inside of the past hour or so, and walk down the stair to see my mother waiting for me.

"Cloette, you look absolutely beautiful," She says once I reach the bottom step.

She motions me to follow her out of our apartment and into the lift. Because we live on the top floor at the Erudite apartment building, the ride in the lift takes a really long time.

My mind keeps drifting off to my Aptitude test. Even though I know I belong in Erudite, I can't help but feel nervous. I don't know what the test will be like. Will I get the choice of killing someone? Do I get to choose what subject I like the most? More and more questions popped up in my head, but they just kept getting more stupid and stupid.

The car outside the building is very luxurious. I shouldn't really say the word 'car'. It is more like a limousine. That's what I get when I am the daughter of a leader.

My mother and I didn't speak that much during the car... Sorry. _Limousine_ ride. She asked me if I was nervous and I answered that I wasn't. That was our entire conversation. I didn't really surprise me. She rarely spends any time with me at home anyway. Leader business, and all.

We say our goodbyes and I wait in line at the Erudite cue. Our cue is right next to Dauntless, but they haven't showed up yet. At the corner of my eye, I could see a Candor pestering an Abnegation about them actually being selfish. I roll my eyes and go back to not caring about them. I might agree with Erudite on a lot of things but Abnegation being selfish is not one of them. I believe that is just a myth, like how Marcus's son switched to Dauntless because Marcus was an abusive father. I would like some evidence before I jump to conclusions.

Behind me, I hear the train with the Dauntless approaching us. The Dauntless jump out of the train like it is nothing and sprint to the doors where they would be going inside later on. I might belong in Erudite, but I've always admired Dauntless bravery. Protecting the city; both from Factionless and the unknown dangers beyond the wall.

* * *

It is time for my test. I wander inside the room to see an Abnegation woman sitting by, what looks like, a chair from a dentist. She is typing something in the computer.

"You're Cloette Matthews?" She asks with a soft voice, not letting go of her stare on the computer. I now know why she wouldn't look at me. The wall next to me is covered in a huge mirror. Abnegation is only allowed to look into a mirror once every three months because, they believe, it is an act of self-indulgence.

I nod my head, then I realize she can't see me.

"Yes, I am," I say.

I sit down on the chair and I get a better look at her. She has long, ginger, graying hair which is in a ponytail. Abnegation never let their hair out in public. That Abnegation has too many rules for my liking. Her gray dress barely above her feet and a gray coat over it.

She hands me a cup with a blue liquid inside it. I look up at her to see her looking at me. Her face has some wrinkles, but she still looks very pretty.

"What is this?" I ask her.

"Drink it" She responds with a kind smile.

I hesitate before drinking it all up at once. I feel dizzy as I feel the simulation surrounding me.

* * *

 _I am still in my chair, but everything else in the room is gone. I see that the mirror on my right is still there. I get up from the chair and walk over to it. My hand touches the mirror, expecting it to break, but it doesn't. 'This is pointless' I think and walk away from the mirror. That is when I see that every wall in the room is covered in mirrors. I turn around again and see endless reflections of myself._

 _Turning around again I see two tables in the middle of the room. They are holding two different items on them. One has cheese on it, the other has a knife._

 _"Choose," a voice tells me. I recognize it as my mother._

 _"Why?" I respond. I want to know why I need to choose before I do._

 _"Choose" the voice repeats itself. I do not choose and instead cross my arms._

 _"No. Tell me why first" I say._

 _A bark came from behind me. I direct my body to the noise and see a vicious dog a few feet away from me. I look behind me to see the tables have disappeared. 'Great.'_

 _I have to act quickly. I can't run away from it because we are in a room without doors or windows. I've got nothing to defend myself with. The dog paces closer to me and sooner or later it will attack. I scan it and see a necklace around its neck. If it's got a necklace it probably has an owner. If it has an owner it probably knows some tricks._

 _The dog started into a sprint. I think fast._

 _"Sit!" I yell at it. My eyes are closed, ready for impact. But nothing happens. My eyelids open and I see, not a fully grown dog which I saw before, but a puppy sitting down in front of me. I can't help myself. I go down on my knees and pet it. I've always admired puppies._

 _"Puppy!" I hear from my side. I look to see myself, but as an eight-year-old child. The dog is now growling at the young version of me and I can see myself getting scared._

 _"No." I tell the dog, but it doesn't listen. The dog starts to chase young me, but I chase after the dog. I am faster than the dog, which surprises me, and I jump on top of it to stop it. Both I and the dog gets swallowed by the ground and all I see is darkness._

* * *

I wake up with a start. It feels like I've run a marathon because I am breathing heavily. On the side, I can see the Abnegation woman frantically typing something on the computer screen.

"This is not good." I can hear her muttering under her breath.

"What is not good? What is wrong?" I ask.

"Your result. It's..." She stops typing and grabs my arm. She pulls me to the door, ready to push me outside, but I wasn't satisfied.

"What is my result? I want to know!" I tell her, not letting her push me away.

"Your result was..." She is hesitating. That is never good.

"Erudite" I let out a sigh. That is good news. Why did she act so scared of it? Was it a prank? Or was it that she hoped that I would become Abnegation?

"And Dauntless" I look into her eyes. It holds seriousness and fear.

"What?" I ask, which came out more as a whisper.

"Your result was Erudite and Dauntless. I put in Erudite manually for you, but I believe it won't be a safe faction for you. If you want, I could..."

"Just shut up!" I yell at her. This is too much. I can't be Divergent. I just can't.

"I am sorry, but the test told me that."

"The test is supposed to tell me where I belong! This doesn't help my decision at all!" I am practically panicking right now. I don't want to be Divergent. They are a plague to our system! I want to be the cure, not the disease!

"Go home and rest. Remember that both Erudite and Dauntless doesn't think very highly of Divergent. You will be in danger in both of those factions." I scoff at her. I already know what they do to people like them. People like _me_. Kill us and pretend that it was an accident. I don't want that to happen to me.

"Do not tell anyone of this. Not even your mother. Understand?" She tells me. I've never kept a secret from my mother before. But I will be much safer if I keep this as a secret. I nod at her and go outside. I then realize something.

"Wait!" I say before she has the chance to close the door.

"What is your name?" I ask her. She smiles at me in return.

"Fiona. You don't need to know that much about me." Typical Abnegation. Her aptitude result was clearly not Divergent. She is too much Abnegation.

* * *

Stepping into my bedroom late in the afternoon, I throw myself onto my bed. This has been a very stressful day. Finding out that I am Divergent could be the biggest catastrophe of my whole life. I've been taught to hate and despise Divergent. I do not want to despise myself. I am so conflicted.

I scan my bedroom. The royal blue walls surrounding my room. The black desk where I do my homework every day. My big, white, comfortable bed which I am laying on right now. This will be the last night I will sleep in it. Even though if I choose Erudite, I won't be moving in with my mother. Wait, did I just think _if_ I chose Erudite? I will choose Erudite. I choose Erudite over 10 years ago. A stupid result shouldn't change my decision. But I can't help but wonder what life in Dauntless would be like. They are so fearless, but I can't tell if they are fearless or just idiotic sometimes. That is definitely something someone with both Erudite and Dauntless, as a result, would say. But I am not cut out to be Dauntless. They train every day, but I've got no muscles at all. I would be kicked out in less than a day if I choose Dauntless.

I do not speak to mom during the dinner. She must think that I am nervous for tomorrow or she just doesn't want to speak to me.

Before I go to bed, she stops me and pulls me in for a hug. This is something she has never done before. I hesitate before pulling my arms around her as well.

"Whatever you choose tomorrow, remember that I will always be your mother" she whispers in my ear.

I should whisper back 'I promise' but I don't. Instead, I push myself slowly out of her grip and say "Faction before blood" in a quiet voice. I don't get to see her facial expression before closing my bedroom door. I lean back on it and slide down on the ground. My mothers heel clicks away from my bedroom and she walks into her own. Tear start to stream down my face and I bury my face in my hands. I practically just said 'I won't choose Erudite tomorrow'.

I don't know what I am anymore. Am I intelligent or am I brave? Erudite or Dauntless? I want to scream because these questions are hurting my head. I can't do it. I just can't.


	3. 2: Choosing

My sleep consisted without dreams. I wake up early in the morning. Because I am a light sleeper I usually do that when I am nervous. My own feelings wake me.

I look out the window to see that the sun hasn't even risen yet. How long did I sleep? Four hours? The clock on the wall showed 05:16. Okay, six hours. Well done, Cloette.

After about half-an-hour of tossing and turning in my bed I know that it is hopeless. I won't be going back to sleep anytime soon. I get up and walk to my window, which is also a small balcony. I open it and step outside. The cold breeze doesn't bother me as I lean on the railing. I've always been fond of this view.

Across the street is another Erudite apartment building. That is where my friend Will lives. I shouldn't really say 'friend'. He is more like an acquaintance. We are in the same chemistry class. We always worked in groups during those classes, then went back to ignoring each other. He is pretty much the closest friend I've ever had. My life is pretty sad. People either doesn't want to be my friend or begs me to be my friend. But not for the reasons I want. They do it because of my mother. Being best friend with the leader's daughter might get them better jobs in the future. That is a very typical Erudite trait; manipulating people to gain power. I do not want power. I want to be respected.

That is not very Erudite of me. Wanting respect is more Dauntless. How have I not noticed my Dauntless traits before? The thrill of disobeying orders, a thirst for adventure, and a wanting to protect. But I also had Erudite traits. A hunger for knowledge, overanalyzing everything, and, of course, reading. But rarely books with facts. I love the story novels like the story of Robin Hood. Classical literature as well like Pride and Prejudice. I am the only one who has these kinds of books. Mostly because my mother, while not agreeing with my ways of thinking, gets these books for me. I am also the only one who would actually want to read them. Erudite thinks that books without facts are pointless, Abnegation doesn't have anything that may show selfishness, Amity would rather be outside and play instead of reading, Candor would just detect any false assumptions in those books and criticize them, and Dauntless just believes that any type of reading is pointless.

I am like a butterfly with discolored wings in a field amongst other, more beautiful, butterflies. The other butterflies only have one color; grey, yellow, white, blue, or black. I've got both blue and black on my wings making me a freak. I don't want to be a freak. I want to fit in to the society we worked so hard to form.

* * *

The time is 11:54, the same time as 10 seconds ago. I can't help it. Being surrounded by other Erudite members doesn't help at all. It just makes me worry even more. Will I stay with Erudite and make my faction proud? Or will I switch to Dauntless and get the adventure I've always craved for?

I look at the time again. 11:55. Five more minutes until the ceremony will start. My hands start to fiddle with each other. Good thing my last name begins with M. I won't be one of the first ones to choose. I look over to the left side and see the Dauntless. The only ones who are nervous in Dauntless are the ones switching factions. I can see some of them there. Maybe some of them are Divergent, like me. Just think of the word 'Divergent' seems like a crime to me. _Divergence is dangerous._ I keep thinking that but I've never seen myself as dangerous. Why should I let one stupid result take control over my entire life? I am not dangerous. I will stay in Erudite and that is final. I won't change my opinion this time.

"Silence, please!" I hear my mother say in front of everyone. Behind her are the bowls where all the 16-year olds will be dripping their blood in. See-through glass for Candor, soil from the fields for Amity, pure water for Erudite, gray and pale stones for Abnegation, and lit coals for Dauntless. It is customary for Jeanine to speak first about the factions. She is the one who designed the test I took yesterday after all. I wonder if she could see if I was Divergent, even though Fiona put my result in manually.

"The factions system is a living being composed of cells; all of you. And the only way it can survive and thrive is for each of you to claim your rightful place. The future belongs to those who know where they belong." She announced. But do I truly belong in Erudite?

Jeanine steps away from the stage and Marcus Eaton, the Abnegation leader, steps up.

He begins by telling the history of the city and how the factions were made. All we actually know is that there was a war long ago. To protect ourselves from it, we built a wall, or fence, to block out the outside world. No one has ever ventured outside the fence for over 200 years.

"Those who blamed selfishness became Abnegation," I don't blame selfishness. People are allowed to think about themselves once in a while.

"Those who blamed anger became Amity," That's not true either. Anger is an emotion you can't just cancel out.

"Those who blamed duplicity became Candor," Another thing I don't agree with. You should be able to lie sometimes, when it is necessary.

"Those who blamed ignorance became Erudite," I do blame ignorance. A lot of people have started conflicts in the past because of false assumptions.

"And those who blamed cowardice became Dauntless." The Dauntless started to cheer a bit after that statement. Even though I blame ignorance, I believe that cowardice has something to do with it too. People don't want to stand up for what they believe in because they are too afraid to do so.

"When you leave this room, you will no longer be dependents, but full-fledged members of our society. Faction before blood." Marcus finishes his speech.

"Faction before blood." Says everyone else in the audience, except me. I was distracted. Should I stay in Erudite? I blame ignorance as well as cowardice. My newly discovered Divergence brings out this side of me I do not like.

"Jonathan Ziegler!" Marcus calls up the first name on the list. The names are in alphabetical order. Last names starting with Z. A boy stepped up to the stage. He was another Erudite. As he walked, he seemed confident. He knew what choice he would make. He takes the knife from Marcus, draws his hand over it and let the blood drop into the water.

"Erudite!" Marcus exclaims. This was going to be a long day.

A few more names were called up until finally.

"Morgan Stokes!" A nervous Candor steps up on the stage. His hands are shaking as the draws the knife over his palm, then lets it drip down onto the Amity bowl. He is the first transfer of the year. Candor to Amity. Maybe I could do it as well. _No. I can't._

I wait patiently for my turn, listening to the names and the factions they choose. I become more interested if they choose a new faction.

"Caleb Prior!" An Abnegation boy steps up to the stage confidently. He hesitates a bit before letting his blood drop into the Erudite water. This causes a commotion in the crowd. Abnegation and Erudite has never gotten along very well. Now an Abnegation transfers to Erudite? I wonder what his family would think.

"Beatrice Prior!" Must be his sister. Will she also transfer to Erudite? Or will she stay in Abnegation? She is more hesitant than her brother when she steps up onto the stage. The knife draws over her palm and she holds her hand over the Abnegation stones. Apparently not a transfer. But at the exact last second she switches her position and let the blood sizzle on the Dauntless coals. An Abnegation transfer in Dauntless? Abnegation and Amity rarely transfer to Dauntless. It is usually one or none every year. I start to het even more nervous now as I watch her walk over to her new family.

A few other have transferred to Dauntless, including my 'friend' Will. I honestly did not expect that.

"Cloette Matthews!" Marcus calls out. There are a few murmurs in the crowd. My mother squeezes my hand before saying "Good luck."

I stand up and make my way to the stage. I walk there slowly, kind of hoping for me to wake up from a very bad dream. But I know this is reality. There is no escaping this now. I take the knife from Marcus's grasp and walk over to the Erudite bowl. I cut my hand but I don't stretch it over the bowl. My eyes keep flicking over to the Dauntless bowl. I was standing there for what felt like minutes, but it was probably only seconds. The crowd is most likely getting impatient. I've made my choice. I want to be brave. I now walk over to the coals and let my blood sizzle on the them, just like the Abnegation girl did.

"Dauntless!" Marcus calls out. There were a lot of gasps and complaints in the crowd. Jeanine Matthews only daughter have decided to switch factions? While walking over to the Dauntless family, I catch my mother's eyes. They hold no emotion at all. I can't tell if she is sad, disappointed, shocked, or concerned. Whatever it is, it is not happiness.

* * *

After the ceremony is finished and all factions return to their home, the Dauntless take off into a sprint. I try to keep up with them. While I'm not as fast as them, I do enjoy running. It makes me feel free. I can't help but smile at that thought. Being Dauntless means that I am finally free.

We stop running and we arrive at some metal structures which holds up the train tracks. They start to climb and I join them. While I do enjoy running, climbing is something I do not like. But I do climb after them, not giving up. Once I am at the top, I look at the other members. They look like they are waiting for something.

"Get ready!" Someone yells. They look behind me and I turn to look for myself. It was a train coming our way. Of course. Dauntless travel by train. But it isn't slowing down. Are we supposed to jump onto it?

My question gets answered when the do exactly the thing I thought. They grip onto the handles of the train and launch themselves in. I take of into a run to catch the train. Almost everyone has already jumped inside while I am trying to get a grip of the last cart.

"Here!" Someone from inside the cart stretches out their hand to me. I take it, not caring who it was who just saved my from being Factionless. Once I am inside I lean against the wall and catch my breath. I then start to laugh. _I made it. I actually made it._

"You okay?" Says the girl who saved me before. It was the Abnegation girl who transferred. What was her name? Bianca?

"Yeah. I think so. What's your name?" I ask her.

"Beatrice. You are Jeanine's daughter, aren't you?"

"Yep. Quite a shock, huh?" I let out a chuckle after saying that.

"Not as much as an Abnegation girl transferring to Dauntless." She jokes. We then let out a laugh because of how out of place we look right now. I think I am going to like her. She seems like a good friend.

"I am Christina, by the way." A girl from behind Beatrice calls out. She is wearing Candor clothes. I give her a small wave.

"Cloette," I say with a smile. I might have gotten my first friends without even trying.

During the ride, I find out a lot about the others. Like how Beatrice chose Dauntless because of their freedom, kind of like me. Christina became tired of being truthful all the time. She wanted to be reckless.

"Get ready." A Dauntless woman calls out.

"To do what?" I ask them. They didn't have time to respond before opening the cart doors and jumping out to a roof.

"They're jumping!" Beatrice calls out. _No shit._

"What?!" Christina asks as if this was absolutely ludicrous.

"What happens if you don't jump?" Another Candor transfer asks us.

"What do you think? You'll be Factionless. Good luck, Al." I recognize him. He is the Candor who kept pestering an Abnegation yesterday about them being selfish. He jumped out together with other Dauntless and transfers.

"Don't think," I say as I take off my coat and back up. I toss my blue Erudite coat onto the floor of the train, leaving it there forever. Maybe the Factionless could have it.

"Just jump!" I exclaim as I start running to the door and leap. My landing wasn't that graceful. I landed on one of my feet, then I tumble forward. I end up with my face hitting the ground, but I don't think I ended up with any serious injuries. It does hurt, though. I get up and brush the gravel from my once blue pants with my hands. Now they look more grey because of the dirt from the gravel. My white tank top is now also dirty. It doesn't matter. I will get new Dauntless clothes soon. My hands stroke my hair and my once neatly placed braid is now messy with hairs sticking out everywhere. I must look hilarious to other people.

Beatrice and Christina jumped out together and landed on the roof not very gracefully either. They let out a brief laugh as both of them and me walked over to where the others has assembled.

"Alright, listen up!" A man calls out. I look at him and I can immediately see that he is not someone to mess with. He is a tall, muscular man with visible tattoos on his arms and neck, showing a kind of maze. He has short, brown hair and light colored eyes. Even though his eyes are light colored, either blue or grey, they are cold. It feels like I could freeze by just looking at them.

"I'm Eric. I'm one of your leaders." Leader? He doesn't look a day over 20! I wonder what his actual age is if he is a leader.

"If you want to enter Dauntless, this is the way in." He points to the big whole behind him. He wants us to jump off a rooftop? What? These Dauntless must be very brave or very stupid.

"And if you don't have the guts to jump, then you don't belong in Dauntless."

"Is there water at the bottom or something?" I hear one of us call out. It was Will. I wonder if he knows that I am here with him.

"I guess you'll find out. Or not." Eric's eyes divert to mine. There is a look of recognition in them, but he ignores it quickly and scan the rest of us. That was weird. If he knows me, it is probably because he knows my mother and has seen me a few times before with her.

"We just jumped, they want us to jump again?" Christina whispers to me and Beatrice. I snicker a bit at her statement. I kind of agree with her. We have already jumped, why do we have to do it again?

"Well someone's gotta go first, who's it gonna be?" Eric asks us. No one steps forward, not even the Dauntless borns or that douche from Candor. I thought that he was someone who wanted to one-up everyone else.

"Me." I hear from my right side. It was Beatrice. She volunteered to jump first. This must be a heavy defeat for the Dauntless borns. Being less brave than a common stiff.

Eric jumped off the ledge he had been standing on and let Beatrice walk up to it. She looks down the ledge. Then she takes off her gray coat.

"Yes, stiff. Take it off. Put it back on." That douche from Candor calls out. This is the first day in Dauntless and I already hate him. I want to know his name so that I will know who I will beat up later, even though he clearly has more muscle than me.

Beatrice steps on to the ledge and looks down. She is clearly hesitating whether or not she should jump.

"Today, initiate," Eric calls out, clearly impatient. Could you just give her a break? Just because I am kind of scared of him doesn't mean I should respect him.

Those words did it for Beatrice. She jumped off without making a sound. Not even a gasp. She just jumped down like it was nothing. Eric walked over to the ledge and looked down, probably to see if the coast was clear. He then turned around.

"Who's next?" He called out.

"I guess it is my turn." I muttered to myself and Christina as I walked over to the ledge. Eric eyed me warily. What is his problem. I raised an eyebrow at him and he stepped out of the way. _That was easy. Now it is time for the hard part._ I looked down the ledge and saw a big whole in the roof. That is where I will be leaping into. I stepped up and, without hesitation, jumped of. My eyes are closed as I lean back and imagined myself as flying. That sensation stopped as I feel my back hit something. _I am still alive._ I open my eyes to see that I've landed on a huge net. I let out a sigh of relief. Then I feel someone tugging the net to the side and I roll over. Another Dauntless man, probably the same age as Eric, is standing right in front of me beside the net. He pulls me down. He has short, brown hair and no tattoos like Eric. I then see a hint of a tattoo on his neck. I wonder what that is. His eyes, while blue, do not resemble the coldness from Eric's. These eyes had kindness in them but something about him made me feel like I should be afraid of him.

"Name?" He asks me. I was about to say Cloette when he interrupted me.

"If you don't like your current name, you can pick a new one." That is what I want. I do not want to be remembered as Cloette Matthews, daughter of Jeanine Matthews, who transferred to Dauntless.

"Clo," I say. "My name is Clo." I want to be remembered as Clo the Dauntless member.

"Second jumper: Clo!" He calls out to the other Dauntless members which are probably waiting to see who the new initiates are this year.

* * *

Everyone has now jumped. The last jumper, Molly, was not someone I expected to be last. She is very big and will probably beat us all up in one go during training. I did learn the guy I hated's name. It is Peter. Now I am partially satisfied. I still want to beat that face to a pulp.

We are assembled before the man who helped me, and the others, from the net and a woman I have not seen before. Her hair is messy and she has a few piercings on her face as well as on her ear.

"Dauntless-born you go with Lauren, transfers stay with me. Go." The man calls out. The Dauntless-born walks away from our group and goes with the woman, who I just learned name's Lauren, leaving us transfers.

"Most of the time I work in intelligence, but during your training I'll be your instructor. My name's Four." Four? That is a weird name. Who would name themselves as a number? I am smart enough to not say it out loud. Christina, though, isn't.

"Four? Like the number?" She snickers.

"Exactly like the number." Four replies. Christina better shuts up before it gets any worse.

"What happened? One through three were taken?" God damn these Candor smart mouths! They never do know when to shut up. A few of the transfers laugh at this, but me and Tris, who used to be Beatrice but changed her name to Tris, didn't.

"What is your name?" Four asks Christina. I can feel the punishment coming.

"Christina," Christina notes.

Four walks up to her.

"Well, Christina, the first lesson you learn from me if you wanna survive here, keeps your mouth shut. Do you understand me?" I can see the horror in Christina's eyes as he says it.

"Yes," Christina replies weakly.

"Good." Four walks away from her and starts to walk away.

"Follow me," He calls for us. We do as he commands and follows him. I wonder if Christina is okay. I hope she learned that we shouldn't speak the truth all the time. Sometimes it could hurt other people or sometimes, like this, it could hurt us. I never truly understood Candor.

We arrive in a room where a lot of other Dauntless members are having fun while listening to some music. It isn't the same music as I usually hear in Erudite. There we mostly listen to classical music to keep us calm while studying. This music have more power into it. I kinda like it. The ceiling has a huge glass window, letting in the sunlight from outside. The walls are stone and looks like a mountain from one of my books. _My books!_ I remember that I won't be able to read any of those stories again. I guess I have to get used to a life without them.

"This is the Pit, the center of life here at Dauntless." Four tells us. I think that I will like it here.

We are led through tunnels of stone until we reach a room filled with beds. There are no windows here. Only the light from the faint glow of the lamps hanging from the low ceiling. The beds don't look that comfortable either. Maybe it is because I am used to luxury, but this place sucks!

"You're gonna be sleeping here for the next ten weeks." Four tells us. You have got to be kidding me. I wish I had known this.

"Girls or boys?" An initiate asks, I think his name was Al.

"Both." Four tells us. Great! More _pleasant_ surprises! I hope there's nothing else.

"If you like this, you're gonna love the bathroom." Four leads us to the bathroom where I see toilets right next to each other with no doors. The same with the showers. They also look disgusting, like they have never been cleaned in over a year. I shouldn't have said that before. _Now_ there's no unpleasant surprises, right?

"You should feel right at home, Candor. Everything out in the open." I can't help but smile a bit after Four said that. He then walks off and bumps, or rather hits, Tris's shoulder with his.

"Get changed!" He calls to us.

We do as he tells us to and changes clothes from our old faction into Dauntless clothes. I put on black leggings with a dark red tank top. Over that I put on a leather jacket. I let my hair stay the way it is. I don't care if it is messy or not. Speaking of, why isn't there a mirror in here? I thought only Abnegation didn't like mirrors.

We walk to a fire holding our old faction clothes and toss them in. It was no problem for me to toss my clothes in. They were dirty either way. And when would I ever use them again?

* * *

I, Tris and Christina walk into the cafeteria where all other Dauntless members are. The only available seats are at Four's table. I guess we have to piss off the instructor even more now by sitting right next to him. Tris picks up the burger with the fork and looks at it weirdly.

"You've never seen a hamburger before?" Christina asks Tris. Abnegation doesn't eat anything like this, only the same food over and over again. Usually potatoes and peas with some kind of meat.

"No, I've seen one. I've just never eaten one." Tris replies. I take a burger and puts it on my plate. Never eaten one before, either, because Erudite wants us to have a strict diet.

"Abnegation eat plain food, plant based diet without sauce and minimum seasoning," Will inform us who happened to be sitting in front of me. Does he not notice that I am here?

"Which textbook did you swallow?" Christina replies. I roll my eyes at her response. Al, who is sitting next to Will, chuckles at this.

"Nice to meet you too. I'm Will. Erudite."

"Of course you are," Christina says while going back to eating her food.

"Hey. Don't diss Erudite, smart mouth." I joke at her. She, Tris, Al, and Will laugh at this.

"I know you, don't I?" Will asks me. I do look a bit different. I am not wearing blue and my hair is usually in a bun, not a side braid.

"Um, yeah. I am- Was Cloette. Now I'm Clo." I answer him.

"Oh! We were in chemistry together!" He points at me and smiles now that he recognizes me. I nod at him, smiling as well.

"No offense, but I'm surprised Abnegation even eats at all. Too selfish, right? No wonder you left." Christina tells Tris. She really needs to know when to shut her mouth.

"You gotta be pretty self-confident to be friends with a Candor," Will replies before Tris has the chance to.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She replied to him.

"You have no filter. You say the first thing that comes into your head." Will remarks.

"Like 'you're an idiot'?" Al joins into the conversation. We all laugh at that.

"Nice one, Al. Well, at least we tell the truth." Again, I roll my eyes at Christina. I just don't understand Candor.

"Erudites can tell the truth cause we have the facts." I agree with him, remembering I am half Erudite as well as Dauntless.

"I don't wanna hear about your old factions." Four interrupts us. We all look at him and stop smiling.

"You're Dauntless now," He states and goes back to drinking from his metal cup. We all go back to eating.

"Were you a transfer, too? Or Dauntless-born?" Tris asks him. Are you kidding? I thought Candors were the ones who open their mouths at the wrong opportunity. Four looks over to Tris with an expression asking if she was seriously asking it. That is what I am wondering, too.

"Are you kidding?" Four asks her.

"No," She replies. There is an awkward silence at our table now as we all listen in on their conversation.

"What makes you think you can talk to me?" Four asks her like it has an obvious answer. I do. The answer is 'Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.' But Tris doesn't back down.

"Must be because you're so approachable." Christina snorts and tries to hide her laugh when Tris said that. Four looked at her, then went back to eating.

"Careful," He advises her. That is what I am trying to do, at least. Then, as if a miracle happened, Tris gets saved from their conversation by another Dauntless member who wanted to speak with Four.

"You, my friend, have a death wish." Christina states.

"Yeah. It's like he is fire and you keep walking into him." I reply. Will leaned in closer to us.

"You know he was first in his class? They tried to recruit him for leadership twice, but he said no." Of course, he would know this. He is Erudite. He must love information about our city. Me, however, couldn't care less. Why would Four say no to leadership? That is a question I want to be answered.

There is a horn blaring through speakers and all Dauntless beat their metal cups on the tables. A man appears on the balcony above us. He has dark skin and dark hair. Even from down here I can see that his hair is starting to get gray. He must be the over all leader of Dauntless because he seems pretty important to the other members.

"Initiates, stand!" He calls out. I stand up along with Tris, Christina, Al, Will, and the other initiates.

"You have chosen to join the warrior faction tasked with the defense of this city and all its inhabitants. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery and the courage that raises one person to stand up for another. Respect that. Do us proud." He says before retreating. Dauntless start cheering as they approach us. Then they lift us up in the air, holing our backs, arms and legs. All initiates are now crowd surfing. I start laughing out of joy. I see Christina and we high-five each other.

"Whooooo!" I yell. This is the most fun I've ever had. I think I am going to like this new life here in Dauntless.


	4. 3: First Day

I couldn't sleep. Between the excitement of the first day of training and the wailing of some initiate, it was practically impossible. I decide to get up before anyone else. I don't know what the time is, but I bet it is in the middle of the night. Could it hurt with a watch somewhere in this room?

My hair is quite greasy so I head to the showers. I was about to strip off my clothes when I heard a voice.

"Couldn't sleep either, huh?" I was startled and I turned around. There stood Al, looking pretty awkward. He must realize what I was supposed to do.

"Sorry," he says in a quiet and humble voice.

"It's okay," I answer him. "I am just a light sleeper. Couldn't really fall asleep."

"Again, sorry." Now I am confused. Why apologize? Then I realize that he is the one who has been crying. I was kind of blaming him for my lack of sleep. How could I be so stupid?!

"It's not your fault" I tell him quickly. While looking at him I can't help but wonder how he managed to get Dauntless as a test result. Sure, he is big, stronger than most initiates but he doesn't seem like someone who likes fighting. I know that in order to get Dauntless as a result, he would have to pick the knife and kill the dog. I just can't imagine him doing that. He is just too nice.

"What time is it?" I ask him. Maybe he knows.

"Don't know. I think it is around five or six." He responds. My hair is still pretty dirty and I really want to shower.

"No offense, but could you go away? I need to shower." I ask him pretty awkwardly. Al nods as a response. He was about to walk away when he started to hesitate.

"If it helps, I could hold up a towel around you?" He said it more like a question than a statement. "Be-because someone else could wake up and see you," He explains quickly. He is pretty adorable. Did I just think that?

"No, you don't need to. I'll be fine." I don't want to bother him. I bet he barely got any sleep too. In order to train you need to rest. I shouldn't really think that considering I've haven't gotten any sleep either. Al stalks away to his bed. I start my shower once I have no clothes on my body. When the shower is over, all I hear is silence. Either Al managed to fall asleep or he is still awake waiting for me. I hope it is the former. I am usually not that good at small talk. I dry my hair as much as I can and put on some clothes. In the sleeping quarters, everyone is asleep. Even Al. There is no point in trying to fall asleep again. I decide to explore a bit of Dauntless. I've read a bit about it before but never experienced it in person. I can't deny that I wanted to escape Erudite on visiting day only to check out the other factions up close. I actually did it once. When I was 13, I escaped Erudite on visiting day and went to Abnegation. I just wanted to sustain my Erudite curiosity and see the faction Erudite despises myself. It was nothing like Erudite had described it. I didn't see any hidden stashes of food or luxurious things anywhere. The only thing I saw was plain buildings, all alike, and people with baggy, grey clothes helping anyone who crosses their path. We do need them in our society, otherwise this town would be covered with people who only cares about themselves. I might be one of those people but helping others is something everyone needs to do.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't look at where I was going. I accidentally bumped into someone. From just one touch I could tell it was someone who has been training a lot a couple of years or so. But it wasn't the body that scared me the most. It was the face. It was Four. I just bumped into my trainer. I can see from his face that he isn't that pleased to see me.

"What are you doing out of bed, initiate?" He asks me with a stern voice. I have no idea what to say. Should I say that I just wanted to explore? Or wasn't I supposed to do that? I've suddenly lost my voice because I don't know what to answer him. I should answer him. Prove to him I am not an annoying little Nose anymore.

"I- I couldn't fall asleep," I answer him. The stutter came out involuntarily. Perfect. I must look like a little-scared girl to him. I do not want to be known like that.

"Well, I was on my way to wake you guys either way." Four tells me. Seriously? I thought it was in the middle of the night. Maybe I did get some sleep after all. "Good thing you wake early. Just don't let me see you out here before I wake you again." He warns me.

"Yes, sir." I only wanted to say 'Yes' but that seemed to simple. Trainers here probably wants some authority over us so they make us call them 'sir'.

"We meet at the pit in two minutes. Be there." He says before walking to the initiate sleeping quarters. I look at him walking away before making my way to the pit.

The pit isn't as crowded as yesterday. From the window I can see that the sun has risen, but only barely. Those Dauntless members who are here are either training or they are hanging with another. On the right I can see the scary Dauntless leader: Eric. The one who was on the roof with us yesterday. The one who looked at me weirdly, like he knew me. My Erudite senses come to life and I now want to find out why. Still, I won't walk up to him and ask him 'Hey! You looked at me weirdly yesterday. Care to tell me why?'. I am no Candor. I know that by doing so I just dug my own grave. He doesn't look like someone you should mess with. I decide to just wait by the entry to the pit for my friends. Like I was going to spend a second alone with someone like Eric.

Two minutes went by pretty slowly, mostly because I had nothing to do. Tris, Al, Will, and Christina showed up together with all the other transfer initiates. They all seem surprised, except Al, that I am here early.

"Where were you? Your bed was empty," asks Christina. I don't feel like telling her the entire story so I just sum it all up.

"Couldn't sleep." My response was. She seems to buy it, needing no further explanations. Tris and Will seem to accept it as well. They started to walk away when someone grabbed my arm. I turn around to see who it was and there stood another initiate with orange hair and a strong build.

"You're that Erudite leader's daughter, aren't you?" He asks me. His hand is still holding my arm. I think I've seen this guy with Peter and his other companion Molly. I know not to trust him so I don't answer him and try to squirm my arm from his grip, but he is too strong. "I asked you a question, bitch!" He is now yelling. I fear that someone will hear us.

"Drew!" Someone calls. It was Peter. "What are you doing to the Nose? We got enough time for that later on." He says. Drew lets go of my arm and walks to the Pit. Before Peter did the same, he winked at me. Gross!

Four and Eric is waiting for us where I saw Eric sit before. How did Four manage to get here without me noticing?

"There are two stages of training." Four starts. "The first is physical, push your bodies to the breaking point and master the methods of combat." If there is one thing that I am not prepared for it's fighting. I guess we have to do that everyday here. "The second is mental, again breaking point. You'll face your worst fears and conquer them unless they get you first." How are we supposed to do that? Am I going to tell them my fears and then put me into the environment with that fear? I don't care what their reason is, but I'd rather not be burnt to a crisp by fire. "You'll be trained separately from the Dauntless born, but you'll be ranked together. After initiations rankings will determine what jobs you move into. Leadership, guarding the fence, or keeping the factionless from killing each other." I don't care what job I get, although guarding the fence seems like the most boring job ever.

"Rankings will also determine who gets cut." Eric exclaims. Cut? Like, _cut from Dauntless_ cut?

"Cut?" Christina asks on the right side of me. Always the Smartmouth. Eric didn't seem to like that because now he is making his way toward Christina. Four did the same yesterday, but I believe that Eric is more ruthless than Four.

"At the end of each stage of training, the lowest ranking initiates will be leaving us," He tells us like it is nothing. So it is _cut from Dauntless_ cut. _Great_. Just _great_. Eric didn't walk all the way to Christina and stops in front of the entire group. It's more like he is standing in front of me, without looking at me.

"To do what?" Al asks. That was a pretty stupid question, like the one he asked on the train yesterday. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"There's no going home to your families, so you'd live factionless," Eric explains. Just like I originally thought.

"Why didn't we know that?" Will questions Eric.

"It's a new rule." Eric asserts. It seems pretty unfair that we knew about it only after we chose Dauntless.

"A new rule? Somebody should have told us that." Christina complains until Eric interrupts her.

"Why? Would you have chosen differently? Or out of fear? Well if that's the case, you might as well get out now." Even though I might not like him, he is right. I wouldn't have chosen another faction. The freedom of Dauntless would have seemed more appealing than the fear of living factionless. "If you're really one of us it won't matter to you that you might fail. You chose us, now we get to choose you." He still doesn't look at me, but with him just standing there makes me a bit scared. Probably why he became a leader. His motto is most likely 'Better to be feared than respected' because that is basically what he wants us to act.

* * *

We move on to where we are supposed to be training. It was probably a warehouse before the faction system was created. It's huge with square pillars lining up, separating the different parts of the room. Between some of the pillars are orange punching bags hanging from the ceiling and hooked to the ground. The Dauntless born are already here training with their trainer: Lauren. While us transfers need to watch Four showing us fighting techniques, the Dauntless born train on their own. They've trained their entire life so they don't need to learn the basics. But, then again, the moves Four shows us is nothing like beginner training. He goes immediately to advanced. I wonder if we are supposed to do that too. I study his every move, remembering his stance and where he hits. I've never been one for fighting but I would have to learn it now that I am in Dauntless.

Our first proper training is on the roof where we get our own guns. Four hands us each a rifle and lines up orange dummies a couple of feet away from us. Everyone, including me, starts shooting. My aim isn't the best but I am able to hit the dummies. I am doing pretty well even though it is my first day. I can't say the same for Tris, though. She is on the left side of me and she hasn't hit her dummy once. I feel kind of bad for her. I would give her some tips but I have no idea what to say. Will seems to notice this as well.

"Statistically speaking, you should have hit the target at least once by now, even by accident." Will claims. Tris doesn't seem so happy after that.

"Will, shut up and go back to your own dummy," I tell him. He shrugs his shoulder and goes back to shooting. Tris turns to me with a smile and then tries to shoot the dummy again, but fails.

After lunch there is even more training. We are going to be jogging as a warm up and then we will go back to the training room to practice fighting. Four leads us outside the Dauntless compound and we follow him. While strength isn't my best ability, I do love running. I feel so free feeling the air in my face and letting my feet move quickly. Christina doesn't seem to love it as much as I do. She seems short of breath only after ten minutes. Now I know what she needs to work on. Tris, however, seems to enjoy it.

Once we've jogged for, about, 30 minutes, we are running underneath the railroad. I see a few Dauntless guards ahead of us. Four jogs over to them and stops to talk. We all decide to rest now that Four has stopped.

"Hey. What have you got?" he asks the guard.

"Factionless. Not doing anything." I look past his shoulder to see the factionless striving to survive. I wouldn't really call that not doing anything. They are doing the best they can.

"Check it out, Stiff. That's gonna be your new family." Peter informed Tris. Tris looks over there as well. I want to cut in but I can't. I've already stood up for Tris today. She needs to learn to fight her own battles. "Go say hi." He continued. I seriously hate that guy. Him and Drew. Speaking of, I see Drew behind Peter looking at me. Once he sees me looking at me, he winks. Disgusting! Does he actually believe he will get me to like him? In his dreams!

* * *

Back in the training room, we've been paired up and train basic block maneuvers. I've been paired together with Myra, another one from Erudite. She is small with no muscles. She won't last long in Dauntless. We train in a small square with fluorescent lights forming a square above us. There are two pairs in every square. Together with me and Myra are Edward, Myra's boyfriend, and Lucas, a guy from Candor. We've done the same routine the past hour now. I am getting bored and I can see that Myra is bored as well.

"First jumper!" Eric calls out. I didn't even notice him coming in. Everyone stops fighting and Tris, who was the first jumper, listens to what he has to say. "In the ring." Tris walks over to the lit up square a few inches from the ground in the middle of the room. "Last jumper. Time to fight." Eric informs us. Everyone gathers around the the place where they will be fighting. Molly, the big girl from Candor who is Peter's friend, walks over to the square as well. Tris have to fight her? Molly is basically twice Tris's size. I guess it doesn't matter here in Dauntless.

"How long do we fight for?" Molly asks with boredom. She must have expected her first fight to be a challenge for her. I guess it is a challenge for Tris because she is the first jumper. She needs to prove herself to Eric and Four.

"Until one of you can't continue," Eric explains to us.

"Or one of you concedes." Four adds.

"According to the old rules. The new rules: no one concedes." Eric seems excited to watch this fight. Four and Eric talks in low voices to each other. After Four said something to him, Eric doesn't seem too happy.

"You'll be scored on this, so fight hard." He tells Tris and Molly. Molly stands in position, ready to fight. "Go!" Eric tells them, getting impatient. I wonder what he was like during his first fight. Tris gets into position as well and Molly advances towards her, but Tris backs away. She steps out of the ring and someone chuckles at her cowardice. Molly seems disappointed, but lets her walk into the ring again. Tris looks at us, as if calling for help, but we can't do anything. She walks up again and stands in position. Molly throws a punch at her but Tris dodges it. Tris tries to punch her but fails, giving Molly the opportunity to punch her. Tris tumbles backwards with a hand on the part of her face that Molly punched. She tries to tackle Molly, but Molly only punches her simultaneously in the stomach. Then Molly gives Tris a hard punch on the face, knocking her to the ground. She looks at Eric, wanting to know it's okay to knock her out. Eric gives her a 'Go ahead' expression and she knocks Tris out. That wasn't so unexpected. This was Tris's first day. Like she could take Molly out now.

"Glad that's over," Eric says. "Most anticlimactic fight I've ever seen." Molly doesn't seem so offended by that, probably because she thought the same. This was too easy for her. "Next fight!" Eric scans the room for his next victims. His eyes stop on Edward, the big guy from Erudite. "Edward, your turn." Edward obeys and steps into the ring.

"Who will I fight?" He asks. Eric looks around the room again. A lot of eyes dart to the ground, including Al, Will, and Christina, but mine stays on him. That might have been a bad call because he is now looking at me.

"Clo, in the ring." He tells me. Crap. I have to fight Edward. I walk up to the ring and remember Four's fighting technique which he showed us this morning. He usually went for the throat, so that is what I will do. "Fight." He tells us. Edward doesn't hesitate. He throws a punch at me directly after Eric told us to start. Luckily, I was quick enough to dodge it. I then throw a punch at him, aiming at his throat, but he grabs my hand and punches me with the other. I fall to the ground and holds my nose, which I think is broken. Edward walks over to me, ready to knock me out, but I am fast and kicks his leg. He didn't expect that and stumbles backwards. That gives me enough time to stand up again. I advance towards him and punches him on the nose as well. I didn't break it but it will bruise. I punch his throat as well, making him stumble back more. I almost got to punch him the third time when he punches my stomach and then kicks me. I fall to the ground again clutching my stomach. I didn't have time to think until his fist collided with my face and me blacking out.

* * *

My head really hurts. It's like a drum but without the sound, just someone banging on it. I am laying on a bench away from the ring. From here I can see two guys fighting each other. My vision is all blurry so I can't quite see who they are.

"Hey! You're awake!" Someone calls from the side, making my head hurt even more.

"Please be quiet. I can't focus." I tell the person. I see now that it's Christina. She hands me something and I take it. It's an ice packet.

"Sorry. I've just been waiting for you or Tris to wake up." I put the ice packet to my head and it really helps my headache.

"Tris isn't awake yet? How long was I out? Why aren't you with everyone else? Who are fighting?" My head is swarming with questions.

"Calm down. No, Tris isn't awake yet. She is over there." She points to the bench on the other side of me. There Tris is sleeping peacefully. I still feel pretty bad for her. I wish I could have helped her. "You've been out fifteen minutes. I won my fight against Myra so I don't need to watch anymore." Poor Myra. I knew she wouldn't last so long in Dauntless. "The guys who are fighting right now are Will and Al." Will and Al are fighting each other? That's pretty cruel in my opinion. But, then again, it was Eric who chose the partners.

Someone cheers over by the ring and I see that Al has won the fight against Will. "How long did they fight?" I ask Christina. I think that the longer you last in the ring, the higher rank you will get.

"About three minutes. They really didn't want to hurt each other." I can understand that, but if I were in the ring with one of my friends, I wouldn't hesitate. I want to stay, and if that means punching friends then okay. That doesn't mean I would do it when we are official Dauntless, though. I only want to get through initiation.

The fighting continued for a half hour until everyone had fought. Tris is now awake and has an ice pack to her face as well. I don't have a headache anymore so I don't have one myself. Once everyone is awake we follow Eric to a board which is on one of the pillars.

"Alright, guys, over here. Listen up." The board switches on and shows all our names and ranks. "Know what this board is? It's your life. We grade you every day, if you're still in the red by the end of the first stage, you're out." I scan the board to find my name. My name is beside 24, below the red line. I am not at the very bottom, which I see Tris is near, but I am not good enough yet for Dauntless. I will have to train even more.

* * *

"I'm never gonna make it." Tris tells us. We've eaten dinner, which was hotdogs, and we are now in the sleeping quarters. It is still too early for bed so me, Tris, Christina, Al, and Will are just hanging here. We got nothing better to do.

"Yes, you are." Christina assures her, but she doesn't buy it.

"I'm the weakest one here," Tris argued. That is a lie. She might not have muscles, but she is definitely not weak.

"Then you'll be the most improved," Christina tells her. It is good having a positive attitude, especially when it comes to friends.

"Tris, you are not weak. You may not be good at fighting, but you are anything but weak." I tell her. Christina nods at me, showing that she agrees.

"You're a Candor, you're not supposed to lie. And you're an Erudite. You are supposed to know better than this."

"I was Candor. And I'm not lying." Christina tells her.

"Same for me. Ex-Erudite. And I _do_ know this." I smile at her, leaning on the pillar next to our beds.

"If they cut me I think my parents would take me back," Al tells us confidently.

"Yeah, they _would_ but they _can't_ ," I tell him.

"It doesn't work like that. Even if they wanted to, their faction wouldn't allow it." Will explains my statement.

"Even if my parents would take me back…I wouldn't belong there anymore." Tris claims.

"This is getting depressing." Christina jokes. I chuckle together with Will and Al. "You know what we should do? Get tattoos." Now I am interested. I've actually always wanted to get a tattoo, but I've never known of what.

The tattoo parlor is dark, lit only by the light from the outside, which is a faint light, and red and purple lamps. On every wall there is art of tattoos. This does not help in choosing what tattoo I should get. I decide to look around for something before making a choice I will regret in the future. After a few moments of searching I find one that I like. It is a picture of a butterfly. I pick it up and hand it to one of the tattoo artists. He looks skeptical but asks where I want it. I point on my right back shoulder blade. I also tell him to make it a blue and black butterfly, symbolizing my both Erudite and Dauntless: my aptitude test results. If I truly am Divergent, I better embrace it. It is who I am, Dauntless is just a part of it.

Over an hour later the tattoo is finished. I get up and look at it in the mirror. It is beautiful. It looks so realistic, like it is a real butterfly flying away from my shoulder. I want to touch it but my shoulder is kind of sore. The tattoo artist helps me bandage it. Tris, Christina and Will are waiting for me outside. I can't see Will's and Christina's tattoos, if they ever got one, but Tris's tattoo is on the front side of her shoulder. It is three birds, looks like ravens, who are flying. I like it.

* * *

Everyone is fast asleep after a stressful day like this, but not me. I am in the training room practicing on one of the bags. I don't know what time it is but I know that it is late. I keep punching the bag, imagining the faces of those who I've come to hate: Peter, Drew. My knuckles start bleeding but I don't pay attention to it and continue punching.

"You are doing it wrong." I'm get startled and whip my head around to see the culprit of the voice. It was the cruel leader: Eric. He is standing, about, five feet away from me with crossed arms.

"What?" I ask him. I want to know what I did that was wrong.

"Are you deaf?" Eric questions me. "I said that you are doing it wrong."

"I know what you said, I just want to know what I was doing that was wrong," I tell him. He is such an ass.

"Your stance is wrong. Also, you're not protecting yourself from any attacks." He informs me.

"I don't think a punching bag will hit me back."

"You are training for the real world. Better train blocking as well." I let out a sigh and concede.

"Fine. How am I supposed to stand."

"Feet further apart. You've got no balance standing like that. Your opponent can easily knock you down." I do as he says and put my feet further apart from each other. "Shoulders down and block like you learned earlier today." Again, I do as he says.

"Keep practicing. I'd rather not deal with a crying mess later." He informs me before walking away to the other part of the room. Eric came in here to train as well, it seems. I decide to ignore him and continue practicing. I don't understand Eric. One minute he makes me face Edward, the strongest initiate in our group, and the next he is helping me? One thing is for sure, though: I can't trust him.


	5. Disclaimer

I am so sorry I didn't update this weekend! I thought, because it was Halloween, I could get a break from both school and writing. I was also away and the internet there sucked! I will post a new chapter this weekend, though. I promise!

-DorkyNanni


	6. 4: Tradition

Days turns into weeks and training have become a lot harder. It is like Four and Eric expects us to be much better at fighting after just one fight. Maybe I have at least. I am trying not to get my hopes up. It's not just me who's improving, though. Tris, while not ready for a proper fight yet, has indeed improved since the first day. During the night after Eric gave me a few pointers on how I could fight better, I saw Tris by the punching bags. Eric was nowhere in sight. I and Tris agreed that we would practice together from then on after dinner and before breakfast. It's easier to train when you don't have to practice on dummies all the time. I've beaten Tris in every practice fight we've had. I tried to help her, but it doesn't seem to work that well.

One night I feel like I need a break from practice. Tris doesn't agree with me and heads towards the training room like usual. I, however, walked to the Pit. Due to the initiation and the extra training I haven't had the time to socialize. I never really socialized in Erudite either but I want to change a lot about me if I'm going to stay in Dauntless. Being more sociable is one of them.

The sun has recently gone down and the Pit is crowded by Dauntless members. This is clearly a party, although I do not know what it is about or who it is for. I decide not to question it and walk over to the bar. I am lucky I have the perfect timing. The stools by the bar are all occupied, but someone just left. I take it as fast as possible before anyone else could even think about it. The menu above the different beverages list a bunch of drinks I've never even heard of, but I know they are all alcoholic. I settle for just some water. I am pretty sure initiates aren't allowed to drink alcohol.

"Wuss." I hear someone mutter beside me. I roll my eyes and look at the culprit. Just my luck. It's the great leader: Eric! Why do I always find myself in these types of situations. I just wanted to socialize with Dauntless members, not scary Dauntless leaders! He doesn't even look at me while he drinks his beer from the bottle.

"Excuse me?" I ask him. He stops drinking and finally turns to look at me. I shouldn't have said that. I am scared of what he might say to me, but I do not let it show.

"Water?" He asks in a skeptical voice. My gaze does not leave his as we commence a staring battle. I shrug and give him a 'So what' look. "It's almost as if you regret not choosing Erudite." Oh, right. Water is the symbol for Erudite at the choosing ceremony. I guess old habits die hard. "You don't regret choosing Dauntless, do you?" I look at him with a stern look that matches his. Then I give him a small smile.

"No" I answer him. He raises an eyebrow at me in disbelief but then averts his gaze somewhere else. I get my water from the bartender and I start to drink it. Eric gets up from the stool and prepares to walk away until stopping and turns to look at me.

"You better not lie, initiate," He warns me. "Dauntless is not a place for the weak." Then he walks away and blends with the crowd. I loose sight of him and return to drinking my water. Even though my only reason for going to the Pit was to socialize, I quite enjoy the peace I have. It isn't quiet, though. Between the music and the people's talking and laughter blaring in my ears, it's quite a miracle I actually heard Eric. Someone takes Eric's previous seat beside me and orders a drink.

"I heard your conversation with Eric before," He tells me. How could he hear it? Does he have super hearing? "I do not know if that was really brave or really stupid." He gets his drink and chugs some of it down his throat. He is wearing traditional Dauntless clothing: black t-shirt and black pants. Nothing special. His skin is dark brown and he has no hair. He seems young, but I am not too sure. He is attractive, though.

"I wouldn't call it a conversation," I tell him. "Just passing remarks." He chuckles at me.

"I like you, initiate. I'm Zeke." He informs me.

"Clo."

"So, why are you not with the other initiates?"

"I don't think any of my friends are here tonight. All other initiates are just assholes." I remember Peter, Drew, and Molly. They could be kicked out of Dauntless or die and I wouldn't care.

"You know, I and my friends are doing some sort of tradition tonight. Want to join us?" He asks me. Seems kind of suspicious.

"Depends on what." I do want to know what I am getting into before agreeing to anything.

"Does it matter? If you truly are Dauntless, just go with the flow." Zeke gets up and walks away, giving me a little time to decide. My mind tells me it isn't wise to follow someone who I just met, but my gut keeps screaming 'Why not?'. I run after him and out of the Pit. What have I just gotten myself into?

* * *

I am surrounded by Dauntless members on the roof of the Dauntless headquarters. I don't know what we are doing here. The wind keeps hitting me with chilly blows and I realize I should have brought a jacket.

"Here it comes!" Someone yells. Everyone gets ready to hoist themselves onto the train which is heading this way. It is slowing down for us but, like the first day, it doesn't stop. I run together with everyone else and manages to get into the cart without help. Training my muscles have really paid off.

All of us are in the same cart now. Some managed to jump into later cars, like me, but we all walked to the front cart where we would get information.

"The game is simple." A blonde woman tells us. "Someone dares you to do something, you take a drink from a bottle," She holds up a beer bottle to show us. "And do the think someone challenged you to do."

"What if you don't want to do it?" Someone, probably an initiate as well, asks. I now realize I am the only transfer here. Everyone else is either fully-fledged Dauntless members or Dauntless-born initiates.

"Then you're out of the game. You are also known as the coward." She tells us. No way I will be branded as a coward. "I'll start it off!" She scans the cart for possible candidates. She finally settles her eyes on Zeke. "Zeke! I dare you to proclaim your undying love to a random Candor." Zeke takes the bottle from the woman's grasp and takes a drink.

"Come on, Shauna! That is way too easy." The woman, Shauna, just shrugs back at him.

We arrive at the Merciless Mart, which is Candor headquarters. It is a large building, more than 15 stories tall, with letters 'MERC IS MART' on it. It was once called 'Merchandise Mart' but that was a long time ago. People call it the Merciless Mart because of Candor behavior. They give the truth to anyone, not caring about others emotions or opinions.

We are lucky we arrived an hour before curfew - which is something Dauntless usually breaks - because otherwise Zeke wouldn't proclaim his love for a random Candor. Zeke, along with everyone else, walks inside. The Candors are a bit surprised to see us Dauntless inside their building. Especially at this time. Zeke finds a young girl, probably at the age of 18, and begins to talk nonsense to her like 'How her eyes sparkle in the moonlight' or 'How her hair is as radiant as the sun'. He didn't finish his proclamation before the girl slaps him and starts to yell at him. Zeke didn't seem to mind, however. We run out of the building before we would attract any more attention to ourselves. All of us all laughing, including me. That was really fun to look at. We now have to do challenges close to the railroad from now on, until the train arrives at least. Zeke looks around for his target. His eyes settle on mine. Oh, crap.

"Clo," He says. All eyes turn to me and I wait for the challenge. Better to get it over with. "I dare you to-" he trails off as he scans his surroundings. His eyes widen with realization. "-take one of the coals from the Dauntless bowl in The Hub." A couple of 'oohs' echoed through the crowd. The Hub is where the Choosing Ceremony was held and it is not far away from here. I take the bottle from one of the Dauntless members and let the liquid burn my throat, but I do not mind.

"Bring it on!" I tell him and the Dauntless cheer. Time for a real challenge.

* * *

The Hub is, of course, locked, but I won't let that stop me. I need to find a way inside somehow. I promised them that I would go inside alone and bring with me a coal piece form the bowl. I look around the building if I see any open windows. Apparently, this is my lucky night. One of the windows on the side of the building is open. The only problem is that it's really high up. I can probably crawl inside it if someone could lift me up.

"Zeke!" I tell him in a loud whisper. He now looks at me and I point to the window. He must know what I am thinking because he is now in a position below me, ready to lift my foot up. I put my right foot on his hands and he lifts me like it's nothing. The ledge of the window is now breast hight for me and I crawl inside. I plunked down on the ground without any problem, but it did make a loud sound. I freeze as if someone would get me. No one is here, though. It's just an empty lobby. Good thing there is no alarm in here, otherwise I would be screwed. Still, I am pretty sure that if I was spotted I wouldn't be turned in. Abnegation is in charge of The Hub. If one of them found me I would just convince him or her to let me go with a warning.

The Choosing Ceremony is held on the twentieth floor. I would use the elevator, but I suspect that it would be too loud. I take the stairs like all Dauntless usually do anyway.

On the fourteenth floor, however, I stop. I hear some voices down the hall. I should ignore them, but I just can't help it. I walk down the corridor and stop once the voices become clear.

"Are you certain?" A male voice asked. I recognize it. That voice belongs to Max, the Dauntless leader. What the hell is he doing here?

"Yes. Two of your transfer initiates this year had to have their results put in manually." That's my mom! Jeanine Matthews, the Erudite faction leader. I haven't heard that voice in weeks. I now remember that, even though she hates Divergents like me, she is still my mother. And I miss her. But two initiates with manual results? I know one of them is me, but who is the other one?

"I assure you I will find out if those two are Divergent or not. It could just have been a mishap during the tests."

"I wouldn't count on it."

"What do you want us to do if they do turn out to be Divergent? One of them is, in fact, your daughter." I become more and more terrified after every word that they say.

"I do not care. I raised her to believe Divergents are a threat to the system. Kill her. She will understand." I can't take it anymore. I proceed with my mission and head to the Choosing Ceremony.

Once I am there I slunk onto the ground and try to cope with what just happened. My own mother wants me dead. Those two sentences keep repeating in my mind. _'Kill her. She will understand.'_ I understand that she wants me dead because I am Divergent. What I don't understand is why she wants me dead even though I am her daughter. My breath starts to even out as I make my way to the bowls. It seems like only yesterday when I let the blood drop onto the sizzling coal. Now they are unlit and cold. I grab one and hurry downstairs. I can still hear the voices on floor fourteen, which is a good thing I guess.

Once I reach the lobby, I discover a new dilemma. How do I get out of here? I used Zeke before, but now I got nothing. Maybe, now that I am inside, I can unlock the doors. My calculations were correct. The door opened and it revealed a bunch of Dauntless members who cheered for me when I raised my hand with the coal in it in the air. But I am not smiling. 'Cause I keep hearing _'Kill her'_ in my head. It is unbearable. But still, even after the conversation I overheard before, I cannot help but finally feel like a true Dauntless.

* * *

 _I know this is shorter than the other chapters, but I actually wrote this entire chapter in one evening. I am now tired and I don't wanna write anymore. I also have a test tomorrow. Yay... This chapter was inspired from the scene in 'Four' where Tobias went through the same thing. It is where he got his back tattoo. I hope you enjoyed that chapter and I will update again in two weeks (hopefully)._


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